


And It Hurts

by VillainEve



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Villaneve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 21:40:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18978880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillainEve/pseuds/VillainEve
Summary: Just a short look into Villanelle's head inspired by her speech in 2x06.





	And It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> So I never really write but Villaneve is driving me crazy (so I had to). This was inspired by Villanelle's boredom speech bc it gave me ALL the feels. It's not very good but heyy I tried! Feel free to follow me on tumblr for A LOT of Killing Eve content (bittersweet-ritual).  
> xx  
> Ps. Pls talk to me about the finale (it was so damn good...I'm still processing ).

**And it hurts**

_Most of the time, most days, I feel nothing. I don't feel anything. It is boring. I wake up and I think; again really? I have to do this again? And what I really don't understand is how everybody else isn't screaming with boredom too. I try to find ways of making myself feel something. More and more and more but it doesn't make any difference_.

 

So I hurt

_It is all red skin, no words, fake smile. Then mouth open, sharp knife, hands shaking, eyes wide, numb body. And then again_.

I always try to feel something. I want to tear myself apart and I want it to hurt like hell. Though it never seems to do anything to me. It is all ' _just a little more_ ' and ' _just a little further'_ to see how far I can go until my head is no longer above the water. Even at moments like these I feel numb because it doesn't hurt the way I want it to. It is confusing because I know it's never enough to keep myself from wanting more. It's boring now. My screams and cries it is always the same and it's never real tears. And it is so so boring.

**_And I am hungry for more_**.

So I kill.

_It is all white teeth, smart words, weak smiles. Then mouths open, sharp knives, blood flowing, sparks fading, empty bodies. Job done_.

I never like the quiet ones. I want them to feed me lies and empty promises. Though they never seem to be very creative with their last words. It is all 'I have children' and 'you can have my money' just trying to keep their heads above the water a little while longer. Even at their last moments they are shallow boring people, which is never a surprise to me. Their confusion because ' _a woman would never do that?_!' is boring now. Their ' _please don'ts_ ' and their cries and their screams it is always the same. And it is so so boring.

So I love.

_It is all red cheeks, kind words, sweet smiles. Then mouths open, tongues touching, sweat dripping, eyes closed, naked bodies. And then goodbye_.

I always like the quiet ones. I want them to see me. Though they never seem to be able to reach inside of me. It is all ' _but I love him_ ' and _'it's just not right_ ' trying to keep their heads above the water a little while longer. They always turn out to be selfish boring people, which is never a surprise to me. Their confusion because _'I never wanted this_ ' is boring now. Their _'I love you's_ ' and their cries and their screams it is always the same. It hurts for a while. And then it is so so boring.

And then you.

_It is all wild hair, first words, twisted smiles. Then mouths open, hearts racing, minds meeting, dark eyes, wanting bodies. And then you_.

You always like the way I watch you. You want it to tear you apart and you want it to hurt. You want them to understand you. Though no one can ever really reach inside of you. So it's all ' _I think about you all the time_ ' and then ' _you're an asshole_ ' just trying to keep your head above the water for a little while longer. You are a selfish twisted person, which was never a surprise to me. Your confusion because _'it is hard to be nice and normal and decent'_ is never boring, because I know you're just like me. Your _'I need you's'_ and your stares and your tears it is never the same. And then you don't show up. And it stings and it burns and it hurts like hell. And finally the tears are real and it hurts and it hurts and it hurts and it hurts.

_**And you're hungry for more**_.


End file.
